


all the things i’ve never said

by Saffir



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 fix it, Angst, Confessions, First Kiss, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, nonbinary Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saffir/pseuds/Saffir
Summary: Castiel knows that their time has come. The past decade has been spent protecting Dean, living for Dean, dying for Dean. It finally comes time to sacrifice themself one last time.He wasn’t expecting it to hurt this much.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 118





	all the things i’ve never said

**Author's Note:**

> DESTIEL NATION HOW WE FEELING??
> 
> anyways, this is way shorter than i would’ve liked, but i’m not really in the fandom anymore and this is as much motivation as i got. hope y’all enjoy it anyways <3

It shouldn’t have hurt so much. Castiel knew that. This was something they’d been preparing for for years, something hidden in his bones since he first emerged from hell. This was something he should’ve seen coming, should’ve numbed themself for. 

But how much was sacrificing yourself supposed to hurt? 

He had come to the unbearable conclusion a while back. If anything were to happen to Dean, they decided, he’d sacrifice himself to make sure his human survived. Even if it took everything they had, even if he had to give up everything he’d ever known and loved, he’d do it for Dean. He’d already done so a thousand times over. Sacrificing themself for Dean wasn’t even a second thought. It had been ingrained into his entire being by now- _the angel who was in love with humanity. The angel who fought, ultimately to save one human._ That was Castiel. That was who they were. No longer was he that stone cold angel who took orders without even blinking, who raised a blade and swung it down onto thousands just from a simple command. Dean had changed them. 

Everything that had happened since he had met Dean was a bright kaleidoscope of memories, replaying in the back of their head. _I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. I’ll go with you. I did it all for you._ Words replayed over and over as Castiel watched Dean, watched him go into fight or flight mode. Dozens of emotions that Castiel couldn’t name flooded through him as they grabbed Dean and led him to the dungeon. 

Dean had stared at him wordlessly, dozens of questions filling his eyes and movements as Cas led him without a word. The weight of everything fell heavier upon both of them with every step Cas took. He walked past barren walls, empty halls, rooms where his memories laid. Rooms he had called home. Rooms they knew they’d never see again. And yet, the thought didn’t elicit a pang of sadness. This was his duty. Dean was _their_ human, _their_ responsibility, _their_ charge. Even if that so-called title had dissipated years ago, it hadn’t yet in Cas’s mind. Dean was his. And his life was nothing without him. 

As they finally reached the dungeon, Cas stopped and shook. He took a shaky inhale and turned to Dean. It was time, they knew. 

Cas’s eyes were beaded with tears as they stared at Dean. Words spilled from his mouth, all true. He didn’t even really know what he was saying- everything he had kept buried down, everything he had ever felt was spilling out for the first time. Dean watched them with tears beading his own eyes, his lips bit to keep his own words from spilling. Cas didn’t pay much mind. The empty was coming, he knew that- but still they stood and confessed. 

“I love you.”

The words fell from his lips along with a torrent of emotion. Instantly, Dean’s entire posture changed- he went almost slack-jawed, his eyes wider than Cas had ever seen them. He swallowed heavily, words trapped in his throat. The empty was near now.

And then Dean stepped forward. Wordlessly. Cas stared at him, eyes wide with both shock and anticipation. 

“Cas-“

“You don’t have to say anything Dean.” Cas spoke, tears brimming their eyes. It was their time. They didn’t expect anything more from Dean.

Dean shook his head. “No, I do.” Cas blinked, and Dean took a shaky inhale of breath. “You’re not the only one who has things they’ve always wanted to say, Cas. You know, all these years I’ve watched you. All these years I’ve been by your side. I’ve fought for you, died for you. I don’t know how I didn’t realize it sooner. ” 

Dean’s breath became shakier as he struggled to find the words. Still, Cas watched him, patient, expectant, waiting for what was to come. 

“I love you too, Cas.”

And that was it. With five simple words, Castiel fell apart. He leaned forward without even thinking, grabbing Dean’s face in his hands. When their lips met, it was everything Cas had ever wanted and more. It was love, it was passion, it was sadness, it was peace. It was their twelve years of memories cascading through both of them into one giant pile. _They were real. They had always been real._

And then Cas finally felt the Empty. They knew when it was there, felt the shiver in their entire being. Cas pulled Dean in tighter, deepening the kiss and putting just about every emotion he had into it, before wordlessly shoving Dean back. Dean hit the floor and stared up at him with watering eyes, and Cas smiled back as the Empty finally appeared.

“CAS!”

All Cas knew as the Empty took him was Dean’s scream, was Dean shoving himself forward with a face twisted into more agony than Cas had ever seen. And as Cas took one last look upon the human he had sacrificed everything for, a single tear ran down their cheek.

_Goodbye, Dean._

**Author's Note:**

> edit: yes i believe in he/they castiel supremacy how did you know


End file.
